sooo sorry joe! i told u i would get back on but by bf called and wanted me to come over!

A New Era. A New Command.

This week, I recieved my first presents since Alice bought me this game. Ash and Janky, thank you both very much and now Kate Montcalm has 3 game passes to upgrade to UL! But just like Amy Lee said, "Isn't there something missing?" There was someone who found a struggling pirate in the Dark Roses and saw beauty and potential in her. She and Kate have shared countless memories since then, and each time they sunk a ship or defeated an enemy, Kate said to herself, "I hope so much that she could see the day where I had unlimited, and had my own war sloop. Just like her."
Kate Montcalm, however is still juvenile. She is living in the final thresholds of the fields of innocence. She has begun to see the world isnt what she thought it would be, she has realized that this world is a place where grief and saddness too. And Kate needs a mentor. A guiding hand in this strange new world she has awakened to since that terrible Christmas Eve night.
Nell. Are you out there? Do you still remember me? The fury family has been torn apart, some have seemed to dissapeared from society, some seem to have new games to play. But please Nell. This is the day! I finally can show you my masterpiece. Finally I feel like I can make you feel proud that you let me join your life, just.......
you aren't here......
Ressurect Fury. Let it rise from the ashes to awaken to a new era, however infinitessemal it may be! This is all I'll ever ask of you again, Nell. If you want me to butt out of your life. Just come online for a few weeks, lets re-animate those now so far away memories, then you can leave....


Because that seems to be what you want to do.......

never again

I have not attempted suicide again, but i called the suicide hotline. the conversation, as best as i can remember, is as follows.

"Hello?"

"Hi my name is katrina, i need help."

"What do you need help with dear?"

"Im afraid im gonna comitt suicide."

"Oh dear don't do that. God won't except you into heaven if you do that."

ok im usually fine with this stuff but i needed a terristrial reason to stay alive, "put me through to an athiest councilor please."
I waited a few minutes until another person said, "Katrina?"

"Yes. thats me."

"You sound a little younger than the usual caller Katrina, which tells me a lot."

"Like?"

"Well you tell me. Why would you go so far to kill yourself?"
so i tell her the story of alice, my late great friend. when i was done, she was sniffing.

"Kate," (by now she learned my nickname) "You are so lucky you have such good friends, let me tell you 99% of people would have probably gone through with killing themself if they had such a great oppurtunity as you did."

"that's great but how can i stop myself from ever doing it again?"

"Well let me tell you, there is no such thing as permanent problems, only temporary ones. Everything in this world changes."

"ALICE IS DEAD!!! THAT WON'T CHANGE!" i yelled over the phone.

"but your grief will katrina. Not that you'll ever stop missing her, but you'll come to accept the fact that she's gone, your grief will change. Remember suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem."

In that moment, i had an Epiphany. the reason why i keep seeing alice is because, for some reason, my mind cant come to terms with the fact that shes gone, so it fills her place in my mind by making me see or hear her. eventually my mind will accept the fact shes no longer there, and ill stop seeing her.

"you have decades to live kate, events to live through, places to see, new faces to meet. Why deny yourself of everything in your future that will bring you joy?"

I will always remember those words, and i swear to you all i will NEVER take my own life. I am in debt to all of you for the rest of my life, now that your kindness has saved it.

Alice: Immortalized

I tried to kill myself yesterday, i just lost it. Alice is dead. No one to turn to, parents no help, friends leaving me left and right, i grabbed a steak knife and brought it to my neck and thought au revoir. For some reason, three names ran through my head, Nell, Ashleigh. and Jack.

I dropped the knife.

This song is from the view of Alice's spirit.
(ch)
Hello. Do you remember me?
The friend who made you believe
In everything
That mpossible is nothing
Hello.... Hello....Hello?

Frightened soul you cry
Forgiveness has left with the tide
Alone.
Waiting on the shores
For life to grace you once more.....
And you call out to sea
Hello?
Can anyone hear me?
(ch)
Another day gone by
Tears still swell in your eyes
Hello?
I am still here
I am speaking to you can you not hear?
And you call, so meekly
Hello?
Where are you? I cannot see!
(ch)
Hello? Do you remember me?

First Rays

Let me start by saying ive written 3 songs in a week. Jigsaw, Dark, and Hello. (Yeah i know i stole the evanescence title) I showed Hello to my friends including the bassist to Forgiven Not Forgotten. Long story short, we worked out a deal.
1.each band member gave me 5o bucks so they could use my songs.
2.Any record that i was in the band at anytime has been erased. I take no credit for the songs. (which im fine with.)
3. Im gonna post 5 songs on my music for my blog. Hello, Rebel, Black and White, Paranoid, and Be careful what you wish for.

Also, Alexs sister told me today hes IN LOVE with me.

Kate The Fallen

People tell me many things. That im bound for greatness in my writing, destiny is the word they use. Some people who dont know me tell God to bless "such a pure soul as this one." They say ill join the peace corps, change the world through eloquence and passion.
Never again shall I listen to the words of souls mislead. Misery is my only constant compainion nowadays. So tell me this, someone. If I am destined to do something, does that mean that future is set in stone? Is there a puppetmaster, be it deity or mortal, in my life that comtrols me? Am i a pawn to him? Or do i hold a skelleton key in my hand? Can i realease these chains that bind me to my cell out of my own will? My hope has been exiled, and now I am a captive of my own arrogance. I have taken a fall from grace, and now I lie on a bed of nails, my arms not free to take control and free myself.
Or..... Are they?
Perhaps I have had the power all along. But I was suffering from an illness known solely as cowardice. Shying away from the limelight and letting others do my work for me. Perhaps... I just fooled myself into believing everything will be okay in time

Jigsaw

Well this would have been on forgiven not forgivens third album had they not kicked me out. Its a hell of alot diffrent than "Black and White" but then again, my life is a hell of a lot diffrent then when i wrote "Black and White." This song is inspired by Linkin Park, more speciffically, "Faint" by Linkin Park.

Well, i see you there sitting in the shade of a tree
And all your big brown eyes can do is look right back at me.
You can see me there, you can see the look in my eyes,
The division, the pain, the fear, and despite
All this you just turn away again
Shy away from me and ran!
(BR)
How long will you avoid me?
How long will you wait?
How long will you leave me in pieces?
How long til you see the light of day?
(CH)
Do you know what you did to me?
You brought me to my knees!
Your filthy hands took hold of me!
And dismantled me piece by piece!
You are the one who made this mess!
Now pick. Me. Up. AGAIN!!!!!

So. Now. Take a look around. Do you see your world?
Do you see the pieces of me you hurled?
They fly through the air and dissapear
They're gone, they're lost, thrown out and done.
And all you do is laugh and laugh,
But the humor will not last.
Cause your world is crumbling down!!!
(BR) (CH)

Do you know what you did too me?
You made it so i could not breathe!
Your filthy hands took hold of me!
Your face forced out all my sanity!
It wouldnt leave me alone and it broke me!
So now. Fix me up. AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!

Betrayed..... Broken..... Left for dead

Ive been betrayed. No this is not about nell. I was being a bitch there and as you can see i erased all the those angry blogs i wrote. try to forget i ever wrote them. If youre an awesome dude named janky, then u know some of what i will tell everyone now. And no i am not crying wolf, or decieving you in anyway.

this is how my life fell apart:
1. the day after christmas, i was walking with my friend downtown in my city, she was about six feet or so in front of me, and a car came screaming down the road, driven by someone DUI. the car collided with my friend, (whos name i shall not reaveal) i rushed over to her, but she was dead before i could even call 911. Later i found out that a rib had snapped inwards, piercing her heart, causing death almost instantly.
2. another one of my friends, (jade you might know of him) named Alex, now gives me this evil eye for no reason, and ignores my texts and calls.
3. My bf dumped me for "whining about my friend's death."
4. 4given not 4orgotten kicked me out of the band, and now are going to steal my lyrics and use them anyway.

nells auora

wow. some how, i cant stay mad at nell long. she has this auora or something about her lol. thx for understanding nells! xD

for some reason the game hasnt recognized my password today, but ive been meaning to talk to nell, so if u read this nell, post a comment. hopefully i can talk to u soon.